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I would like to ask a small favor to anyone who happens to read this. Yesterday, I wrote an entry titled, “Why, at age 22, 5’1″ and 115 pounds, I first started to feel self-conscious about my weight.” I’ve been having some problems with it, so if anyone reading this could send me a message or just leaving a comment saying whether or not you can see it, I would appreciate it.

In keeping with my promise to write every day, here I am once again in the middle of the night, sitting in my living room. Only unlike yesterday, I don’t really have anything burning in my mind that had me running to the laptop.

One thing did happen to day, but I’d rather not think about it. On second thought thought, the fact that I don’t really want to think about it is probably a good indicator that I should.

The thing is, I saw a cat get hit by an SUV. The SUV was coming on the opposite side of traffic as we were driving. The cat ran out in front of it, and was just between the two wheels as it passed over. But it’s tail was caught under one of the tires. It jumped up in pain, and smashed it’s head on the undercarriage, fell back down again. Then—maybe from air currents of the car moving so fast—was swept up to hit the undercarriage again, before being flung to the side of the road.

The cat is probably dead, or slowly, painfully dying as we speak. We didn’t stop. We didn’t hit the cat—and even if we did, people don’t stop for that kind of stuff in Lebanon. Let me correct that. If I was driving—whether I had been the one to hit it or not—we would have stopped.

The sight was visibly troubling to me—but my cousins’ attempts to cheer me up, however well intended, only disturbed me more. While we were playing a game of Pictionary (our own version where one team decides what the drawer of the next team will have to draw), they gave my partner “Cat running out in front of a car.” I got it wrong, apparently. I said, “Car running over a cat.” But they gave me the points anyway.

I suppose this shouldn’t be surprising, in a country where a man can put a video of himself microwaving his cat on youtube and not face any repercussions. Then again, as one commenter of the article pointed out, in Lebanon, the police have little power to arrest you if you kill someone in the streets. What can we really expect the government to do about a mistreated cat?

Still, the visual image of that cat under the SUV is disturbing me. A subtle reminder, perhaps, that I’ve never really witnessed anything truly gruesome.